The therapist’s guide to saying no

For many therapists, saying no can feel like a betrayal of their core values. The desire to help, to be there for everyone, can be deeply ingrained. Yet, constantly saying “yes” when you truly mean “no” isn’t sustainable. It doesn’t make you a better therapist; it makes you a depleted one. You pour your energy into others, which is a beautiful thing, but you need to make sure there’s something left in your own tank. That means learning to say no.

Why saying “no” can feel so tough

There’s a common thread in therapist communities: therapists are expected to be superhumans. Constantly overextending and working with no regard as to your work-life balance. Urgent emails after hours, requests for extra sessions, colleagues needing support – it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of obligation. This can stem from various factors:

• The helper’s heart: Your inherent desire to alleviate suffering makes it hard to turn someone down.
• Fear of disappointing: You might worry about letting down clients, colleagues, or supervisors.
• Internal pressure: You might feel a need to prove your dedication or competence by taking on everything.

But consider this: consistently operating from a place of overwhelm diminishes your ability to be fully present and effective for your clients. Running on empty impacts your focus, your empathy, and ultimately, the quality of care you can provide.

Why saying no matters (and why it’s not a bad thing)

Think of it like this: you’re the captain of a ship. You can steer the ship, but you need fuel to do it. And that fuel is you. When you constantly say yes, you’re draining your resources, wearing yourself thin, and potentially putting your ability to help your clients at risk.

Saying no isn’t selfish. It’s self-preservation. It’s about making sure you’re present and available when you need to be, when you’re working with clients. It allows you to:

• Protect your time: You’re not a machine. You have limited hours in the day. Saying no helps you honor that.
• Reduce overwhelm: A full plate can lead to stress and anxiety. Declining requests that don’t fit your schedule or skillset clears space for what truly matters.
• Maintain quality of care: A tired, depleted therapist isn’t as effective. By setting boundaries, you ensure you bring your best self to each session.
• Model healthy behavior: You’re teaching clients to set their own boundaries by showing them you value yours.

How to say no (without the guilt trip)

Now that you understand why you don’t say no (and why you should), let’s talk about some practical steps. Here’s how to navigate the “no” conversation with grace and clarity:

1.     Know your limits

Before anyone asks anything of you, take some time for honest self-reflection. What are your non-negotiables? Is this a good use of your time and energy?  What truly recharges your batteries? What commitments consistently leave you feeling drained? Understanding your own capacity is the first step in protecting it. If the answer to “Will this negatively impact my well-being?” is yes, it’s a clear sign to politely decline.

2.     Be clear and direct

When a request comes your way that doesn’t align with your boundaries, respond directly and kindly. You don’t need to over-explain or apologize profusely. A simple, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not able to take that on at this time,” is often sufficient. Other examples include:

• “I’m booked solid that week, but I appreciate you reaching out.”
• “I’m unable to offer consultation on that particular topic. Thank you for understanding.”

Be firm when saying no. People might push you, but it’s important to maintain your boundaries. A short, direct answer minimizes the chance of your refusal being talked down.

3.     Offer alternatives (when appropriate)

If you can’t fulfill the specific request but still want to be helpful, consider offering alternatives. Offer a referral, a colleague’s contact information, point out resources, or suggest another option. This softens the blow and shows you’re still trying to help.

For a client requesting an extra session, you might say, “While I don’t have availability for an additional session this week, we can certainly discuss this further in our next scheduled appointment,” or suggest helpful resources.

• “I’m not available, but I know a great colleague who specializes in [area of need]. I’m happy to share their contact information.”
• “I’m fully booked but let me suggest a helpful online resource I think you’d find useful.”

4.     Practice makes perfect (role-play)

It might feel awkward at first. Practice saying “no” with a friend or in front of a mirror. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

• Sample Scenario:Someone asks you to stay late for a session.
  • You: “I appreciate you asking, but I need to wrap up at the scheduled time today. I’m happy to discuss this further during our next session, though.”

5.     You don’t owe anyone justification

You’re not always obligated to explain why  you’re saying no. Sometimes, “No, I can’t” is perfectly sufficient. As the saying goes, “No.” is a complete sentence.

6.     It’s okay to say “no” to opportunities too

Sometimes, exciting opportunities come along that, while appealing, might stretch you beyond your current capacity. Saying “no” to something good allows you to say “yes” to your own well-being and the commitments you’ve already made.

7.     Remember your “why”

When guilt creeps in, remind yourself why you’re setting this boundary. It’s not about being difficult; it’s about protecting your energy, preventing burnout, and ensuring you can continue to provide high-quality care for all your clients.

8.     Model healthy boundaries for your clients

By demonstrating that it’s okay to have limits, you’re also implicitly teaching your clients valuable lessons about self-care and boundary setting in their own lives.

The long-term payoff

Setting boundaries can be tough at first, but it’s an investment in your own wellbeing and, ultimately, your ability to serve your clients. Saying no allows you to show up to your work with renewed focus, genuine enthusiasm, and a deeper sense of personal fulfillment.

Learning to say “no” without guilt is an ongoing practice, not a one-time achievement. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and remember that protecting your boundaries is an act of self-care and a crucial component of a thriving therapeutic practice. You deserve to thrive, both personally and professionally.

You’re not a robot. You’re human. Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about being a sustainable therapist, one who can weather the storms and continue to make a positive impact on the lives of others. Embrace the “no.” Your wellbeing, and your clients, will thank you.